How bad does the economy suck right now? I want to get my surgery so so so bad, and I have just about $5,500 dollar saved up (enough for a tummy tuck!), but I can’t take time off of work. Not with the way layoffs have been around here. But I’m so tired of carrying around this heavy gut.
Sometimes you just want to give up. Gawd I know I do. The only way I can maintain my 175 pound weight loss (it’s still SO weird to look back and know I was 175 pounds heavier!) I have to keep counting calories and keeping a close watch on my daily diet. The week days are flawless. I can handle the week days. It’s the weekend’s where I want to enjoy food. Is that so bad? To be human and want to enjoy food? But when I am set free to eat whatever I want, I take it so far as to where I need to work out 5 days a week just to get the bloat off.
This weekend it was criss cut fries with ranch dressing from Carles Jr. Oh how I’ve missed thee. I also enjoyed 3 home made brownies, a nice amount of applesauce raisin cookies, and ice cream, cereal, you name it… I ate it. With all the stress I’ve had I can’t help it. I just want to EAT (and drink) until I’m about to pop. Then I want to lay down and cry until tomorrow.
I just don’t wanna care right now. And it makes me think about this damn tummy tuck so much. Every pound I gain goes RIGHT there. Staring at me. Making my belly button look like a fat frown. Making my gut feel heavy to carry around. Then I get down and out of it. But I know the bloat will go, and by this coming Friday I’ll be ready to do it again.
The cycle just continues from here huh?
So now cheers to a fresh Monday morning, oatmeal for breakfast, apple and chicken breast sandwich for lunch, gym at 2 for a great cardio workout, have me a snack, and tacos for dinner.
It gets better.. honest…
The big problem is “wanting to eat till you pop.” I’ve managed to convert from a diet that depended 100% on calorie counting and journalling for several years to 100% instinctive eating, and its rather nice–it just takes really training your body to know when to stop. (And thats often before you’re full!) and using the gym as a huge tool to help take care of the little excesses you allow yourself. Some key ideas that have really helped me include:
-it will still be there later. (And everything tastes better when you’re hungry)
-after one taste, its not like it tastes any better.
-AHH YOU EAT IT. *Shove at someone else*
-if I know I’m in a particularily off mood.. cut myself what I know is an acceptable portion and before even trying it, dousing the rest in vinegar etc and throwing it out. I’m more likely to eat the other half of the muffin (like I did this morning) than do that, but if its something like triple fudge cake.. yeah…
I mean, I know 175 loss is much more than my little 25lb loss–so maybe you’ll need longer of counting to let your body get used to its new weight, but eventually…
As for the tummy tuck: you’ll get it, I promise. If it makes you feel better you’re f-ing gorgeous as it is. You’re the girl that the rest of us look at with a bit of envy.. Pat yourself on the back and give yourself a hug: you’ve done amazing, and yes there are some little issues here and there, but you know that money saved up is only gonna collect interest and once you can get that tummy tuck, maybe you’ll be able to get yourself a treat for waiting.
It’s really tough. The year after counting calories I was a lot easier to toss my food aside and give it to someone else. I could easily cut a muffin in half and smile like everything was okay… but it really wasn’t.
I don’t know if the gnawing of “want” will ever leave me. I can only try to deep breath and meditate to make the anxiety of “want” to go away. I am just not satisfied with half a muffin. I -know- its enough, and i -know- my body is nourished, but I have this gnawing feeling of unsatisfied that lurks HARD.
Sometimes I don’t understand it myself. I think there will become a day when I learn how to do it all over again. My body is just so used to stuffed full = satisfied that I’ll have to become comfortable with the change.
Only time changes
Thanks for your kind words and promise on a tummy tuck. That makes me happy. Because it will happen.. it’s just a matter of time.
have you considered speaking to a therapist about it? I guess since I personally am in the process of finding a therapist, and really warming up to the idea of having someone help me understand and control my psyche, it just seems like such a beneficial thing to do.
Either way, I do wish you the best of luck, and you’re right–time changes.
Look forward to reading the post about your tummy tuck happening.
I have actually…
You know what she told me? “Just finance the tummy tuck and worry about the payments later. Getting the tummy tuck now will make you happy. And you said you’re unhappy with your body right? Just fix it”
All my talk about finding satisfaction with food was over-run with my ‘body’ image. Needless to say, I ditched that therapist. I’m on a quest to find a new one. They’re just SO hard to find… one’s that are open on the weekends and worth while to talk to. It’s all a process.