Sometimes I wish I had someone in my life who understood what I was going through. Like completely UNDERSTOOD. There are a lot of people who have lost weight (yes I get that) and go through the food struggle. Not many grew up with what I had to, nor do they have to face a deflated body every morning. It’s a healthy body, but deflated none the less.
Last weekend Ezra and I were talking: He asked me if I would find it weird if he wanted to start putting away money to help me get my body lift. As creepy as that would sound to some people (yes, my boyfriend want’s to BUY my body) it’s not creepy to me. He wants to help. He want’s to see me happy. I’ve had him sit down and watch shows, even look at pictures, and he winces at the sight of all the pieces that are stitched and taken away. But when he asked that question, it nearly made me cry.
He said that he just doesn’t want to see me wait around forever and dream about it every day and then never get it done. He knows I WANT it. And I want it bad.
I laid there feeling my skin. So soft, so free and wiggly moving. So… so much apart of me. Not cut, not infected, not sore. That will change and that piece of ME that I always look at as “extra” will be gone.
Kinda like when you have a piece of popcorn in your teeth, and you work and work to get it out but then all you have left is sore gums and then you start to miss it.
*sigh*
I can’t wait until my life gets to start. I’m hoping that before the end of the month I can have saved up 1K. Throw that over into savings, and let my new life begin. All I gotta do is accumulate 18 vacation days + 5K for a down and I can DO this for me. So scary, yet exciting.
I wonder if a butterfly is afraid before cracking the cocoon?
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