Maintaining has it’s ups and downs, and these past few months have proved just that. I need to learn so many things about myself still. I still need to learn HOW to maintain this 121 pound body. It takes structure, it takes keeping a close eye on the scale, it takes relearning your entire way of thinking. You’ll all see, it’s just crazy.
A rollercoaster ride if you will. Some nights I continue to binge, and others I have complete control. Today is one of those days of complete control. I only gained it because I lost it this weekend. Gained an entire 7 pounds while in California. I went to go meet my nephew, and my mom makes the best potato salad. I can’t restrict forever. We all must learn times we should and shouldn’t restrict. Going home to see family is a time of ‘who the fuck cares if I gain 5 pounds, I can lose it later’. Very eliborating for a whole 30 minutes while you stuff your face, but backing away from the plate you realize your stomach doesn’t remember how to digest CRAP anymore. Mayo laden potatoes? It tasted good on my tongue, but it wanted to come back no doubt. Held it down, but it hurt to digest. And lets not forget beef. My body wants nothing to do with beef digestion. Aw my precious tummy wants it’s fruits and veggies. We are a team in that aspect. Everything else it knows better about.
My top weakness at this point is Trix cereal and alcohol. I allow myself a bit of alcohol weekly (not going overboard for my own health) and cups and cups of Trix on those nights if I desire. It’s normally a great desire. Then I work for 2 days trying to get it off. Okay.. well I can’t say I’m actually “working” to get it off, I’m just not making the problem worse. Life is funny.
So here I am, almost 7 months later, still maintaining my size 2 body. Slight body dysmorphia has set in, and some crazy thoughts of fasting and cleansing happen on occasion (I’ll juice fast one of these days). It’s like I don’t want to stop dieting. I don’t want to lose control. Daily scale weigh ins. Still can’t say I completely love who I’ve become, but there are so many positives I’ve found out of it I can’t fathom gaining all the weight back.
Ah life is grand. It’s just so crazy how much you change in this journey both mentally and physically.
